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Thanks?

Palm Pilot
Palm Pilot


Once upon a time (actually back in 2001), I had this Palm Pilot (“…the Hell is that?” you ask. Trust me; personal digital assistants were all the rage for about five minutes) that I really did nothing but play games on. Before I accidentally sat on and crushed it, I was hooked on a card trick game that challenged one to mentally pick one card out of four, then hit a button to reshuffle the cards. The computer then “guessed” which card you mentally catalogued by omitting it from the four as they were once again revealed. The trick, however, was that none of the cards revealed the second time around were the same.
 
It took me 11 mystified tries before I caught on (I’d like to think I’m a bright guy but yes, even I can be a speck dim…once in a while).

See, the ultimate misdirect can be disappointing; at the very least, it can encourage an epidemic of snarky eye-rolling.
 
In this month of thanks (as we’ve seen with the perennial “30 Days of Thanks” status updates on Facebook), we’ve been treated to Manny Pacquiao’s dominant return win over Brandon Rios on November 23rd and Shane Mosley’s disheartening loss to Anthony Mundine two days ago. Both outings equally raised eyebrows and coughed up differing degrees of thanks.
 
No matter what, any time either Floyd Mayweather Jr. or Pacquiao fights, the ultimate misdirect in the form of the insistence that they’re sure to clash comes into play. Whether it be Mayweather’s initial commitment to participate in random, pre-fight, Olympic-style anti-doping tests, Pacquiao’s back-to-back losses or his subsequent triumph over Rios, the tongues wag as a results and the masses give thanks and praise.
 
Why does everyone think this fight is gonna happen, much less get excited over the ultimate misdirect? You can offer whatever you want if you’re not in control. You can say whatever you want to say if you’re not in control. And those in control are the dealers of the cards in that stupid little Palm Pilot game. And they’re not giving you any of the damn cards you thought you were getting back. But they sure as hell will tell you what you want to hear. From Yahoo! Sports (November 22, 2013, one day before Pacquiao-Rios), a quote from Top Rank Promotions founder Bob Arum reads:
 
“On our side the answer is yes [the fight can be made in 2014], we’re very open to it," Arum told the media. "There are ways it can get done, they have to dumb down the rhetoric, we are prepared to dumb down the rhetoric and get it done. There is no real impediment to having that fight happen whether it will or not depends completely on the Mayweather side. I can see it happening but I can’t predict that it will happen because it takes two to tango.” (http://sports.yahoo.com/news/arum-again-uses-floyd-mayweather-tease-hype-manny-164000059--box.html)
 
Right. Best of luck. Again.
 
I say this because there’s always some way to sate boxing fans albeit temporarily. It’s the promoter’s way of saying, “The check is in the mail” or “Oh, I could have sworn I sent that check. Let me look into it…” When it’s all said and done, in regard to this approach, there’s always the out (the missing initial four cards) that comes in the form of “Their network banned us.” At the very least, it’s an 11th hour attempt to squeeze every last, little drop of marketing to push a fight – no matter how many fans in Macao plan on showing up.
 
“Dumb down the rhetoric”? I say thee nay. I suggest not dumbing down the rhetoric when addressing the ticket/pay-per-view buying public. It’s only fair. They might dig bloodshed but they’re not stupid.
 
But yet, the masses on Facebook and Twitter convene to argue it up, give thanks and praise. It’s tantamount to a jilted, hopeless romantic waiting for the genuine show of unconditional love from the skeeve who nailed him/her a dozen times with the promise of a mere phone call the following day(s). It’s heartbreaking.
 
From Yahoo! Sports (November 24, 2013, the day after Pacquiao-Rios). A Pacquiao-Arum duet, if you will:
 
“‘My job is to fight, and I’ll fight anybody who will fight me,’ Pacquiao said.
Asked what obstacles there are to making the bout, Pacquiao shrugged.
‘You’ll have to ask him,’ he said, referring to Mayweather.
His promoter, Bob Arum, said that he believes the fight can be made and cited the 2002 match between Lennox Lewis and Mike Tyson that was finalized after years of talks and obstacles.” (http://sports.yahoo.com/news/boxing--manny-pacquiao-beats-brandon-riospotential-floyd-mayweather-fight-091336281.html)
When it comes to blanket responses, Pacquiao’s is the king of them all. It’s right up there with, “I’d like to thank God for my victory, etc, etc…” All the promises of fighting whomever will fight you when you have no power whatsoever is a lot like me promising to make ObamaCare viable. I gots no power. However, I can make one helluva Sunday gravy for your pasta.
And sure, it took quite the summit to make Lennox Lewis vs. Mike Tyson a reality (and how freaking cool was the “Lewis-Tyson is on” poster design?! The “is” in “Lewis” directly above the “on” in “Tyson”? Dude, if I didn’t know better, I would swear that fight was brought to fruition only to slap that sh*t together. Genius!) but the dyed-in-the-wool network politics saturating a potential Mayweather-Pacquiao fight didn’t exist in 2002. Or at least not to the “a former attorney for Golden Boy Promotions is the Executive Vice President/General Manager of Showtime Sports and Event Programming” extent. If Top Rank-Showtime were a relationship status on Facebook, “It’s Complicated” was locked in a long time ago.
Finally, from Sports Interactive Network Philippines (November 25, 2013, two days after Pacquiao-Rios). Brace yourself, Howlers. This tweet alert will Blow. Your. Mind:
“NETIZENS were intrigued about a tweet posted by Floyd Mayweather minutes after Manny Pacquiao defeated Brandon Rios on Sunday in Macau.
Mayweather wrote the hashtag #TheMoneyTeam on his @FloydMayweather Twitter account on Sunday, curiously, moments after Pacquiao scored a unanimous decision against Rios to break the Filipino boxer’s two-fight losing skid.
Interestingly, the undefeated Mayweather is one of the opponents being considered for Pacquiao’s next fight on April 12 in Las Vegas, a bout that has long been awaited by boxing fans around the world.” (http://www.spin.ph/sports/boxing/news/mayweather-tweets-minutes-after-pacquiao-win-v02)
Long story short, if Mayweather posting #TheMoneyTeam on his Twitter wall was cause to prematurely elaborate, then my incessant tweeting about ABC Family’s “Switched at Birth” (third season premiere: Tuesday, January 13, 2014!) most certainly means I’m showing up as Bay Kennish’s much older, pissy art rival.
Or Adrien Broner’s “About Billions” YouTube efforts netting him an Emmya Webby...a Nutrisystem endorsement (it could happen).
Hmmm…I could be thankful for that.
Don’t Come “Back” Now; Y’ Hear?
I’m not sure if back problems can manifest so quickly during a fight and that actually means I don’t know. I’ve never fought professionally but I do know everything from broken jaws to busted hands to jacked-up ACLs to cheap socks can have varied effects on fights. But a back problem at 42? My thanks and praise (obviously echoing the masses) for Sugar Shane Mosley would be to ride off into the sunset and enjoy a Hall-of-Fame nod down the line (I only say, “down the line” because I couldn’t hedge a bet as to whether Mosley would cinch a first ballot). As for “The Man” parlaying this six-round dirge into a full-blown Broadway musical, I’d be thankful if Anthony Mundine stuck to guest spots in obscure music videos.
Then again, where there’s a Broner/Bandcamp, there’s likely a tent ready for him.
Damn, I love Thanksgiving.
Questions and comments can be sent to Coyote at artofthepaw@yahoo.com. You can also visit Coyote at www.facebook.com/CDCreationNation, follow him at www.twitter.com/CoyoteDuran and take a peek at his art at www.coyoteduran.com.
 
 
 

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